Diary . .
my mood is not veri pretty since yesterday...tt's wat i can say...i feel tt i'm realli a veri bad person...one who is so horrible tt i myself oso hates...i dun wan to hurt anyone...i dun wan to disappoint anyone...i dun wan anyone to be sad or unhappy...i juz wan everyone to be happy...but all those things tt i dun wan to happen had happened...& those tt i wanted to happen...is veri veri far off...i went to do the Colorgenics Test again...the results:
Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.
You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.
You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.
For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.
At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?
ya...& i certainly hope i'm crying alone...coz i rather tt i cry alone...& i wan everyone else to be happy...& stay happy......tt's wat i realli hoped for......
yesterday super tired...coz got lessons from 10 to 1 then 2 to 5...on top of tt...i slept at ard 3+ am the day b4...so i was veri sleepy...then after lessons went to meet huifen...accompany her go changi village for dinner & some drinks...din realli drink a lot...down a gin tonic & 2 mugs of beer...reached home ard 12+...then came online...nothing much to do then tried the cologenic test again...the results is as follows:
The idea of togetherness, love, warmth, tenderness and mutual understanding fascinates you but you seem to be embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly. It would appear that you employ a cautious exploratory tactic in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that you are neither irrevocably committed nor found out.You haven't been feeling that great lately. Both physically and mentally you are exhausted. To your best friends, those who know you and love you, it shows. Your self esteem has been reduced almost to a minimum and in order to recover - and recover you will - it is necessary that you get away from it all, even if it be only for a few days.You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.
Its realli veri accurate...& i'm realli veri confused now...wat to do...& who to listen to...i think i'm still not in the rite mind to think carefully now...
Nothing much to do...so i went to do the colorgenics test...well...the results of the test is as follow:
Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.
Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.
Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.
You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.
At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?
I can onli say tt the test is actualli quite accurate...those who noe me quite well will noe...if u happen to be one of those who is shocked to see the above results...i can onli say tt u dun realli noe me...haha...juz joking...its a norm for ppl not to understand me...but tot tt they do...am i sad becoz of tt...nah...i'm oredi used to it...is wat i can say...haha...
quite some time din update blog liaoz...haha...but haven 1 month lahz...so not tt bad rite...hehe...if i dun update i gg to kena complaints from lihui liaoz...haha...i din even notice tt i haven been updating my blog...maybe coz nothing to write abt baz...everything seems to be the same...onli difference maybe is tt i cannot play maple due to some com problem...then instead of chatting wif my frend in maple...we chat in msn lohz...haha...but dun realli chat veri frequently lahz...hmm...yesterday went out wif lihui & yandan...went suntec watch movie...after tt lihui went off first...then me & yandan went to buy heling's b'dae present...we bought her a dress from mphosis...realli hope tt she will like it...coz dun realli noe wat to get her...then we went kenny rogers for dinner...nothing much happened lately...well...i'll try to update as frequently as possible...haha
my dinner (yummy!!!)
yandan's dinnertaking pic of our dinner taking a pic of herself
say cheese.....
Profile . .
lihui aka karin
23rd August 1986
lihui1823@hotmail.com
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Everyone to be happy
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