Diary . .
wasn't in a veri pretty mood lately...i oso dunno why...i think its gonna remain the same for quite some time...it would probably be like tt for the nxt few days at least...wats happening to me? am i realli as strong as i look??? haha...tt i dunno...its a rather difficult question to ans...well..even if i'm not...i will try to think tt i am...or try to be tt way...haha...hav been thinking thru some things these few days...& i'm getting frustrated...coz i start to realise tt...or maybe i knew of it in the past but chose to ignore it...tt ppl seems to expect me to be strong...independent...smart (in a way or another)...decisive...organised...& watever...is tt realli how i am??? do i meet those expectations of those ppl??? haha...again...i realli dunno...i hav been trying my best to achieve those expectations...but it seems tt whenever i finally to see the tip of it...those ppl begin to expect even more from me...they expect me to be free of troubles...maybe emotionless...& tt i got nothing better to do...haha...well...under normal circumstances...to those ppl...i'm of non-existence...onli when i'm needed by them...then i will somehow exist...haha...is tt magic...david copperfield? i'll try my best to be wat ppl expect me to be...& behave how they expect me to behave...which is...PERFECT!!! ain't i right??? who in this world can be strong...independent...smart...decisive...organised...hav the correct solution for everything...no troubles of their own...no emotion...as in sad, grief, unhappy, tired......haha...i'm not a saint...i'm juz as ordinary & normal as any other human being......plz ppl...plz dun giv me all those fake care & concern...those tt u ppl will show me when u all need me......am i realli tt pathetic...tt u ppl hav to treat me like tt??? haha...well...fine...wat can i do...i can onli try my best to be tt perfect being tt u ppl wan me to be...one wif no emotions...one tt will onli exist when needed...& will juz vanish into thin air after being fully utilised...hahaha......